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'Fluffies', a Report

Morrigan Balor, PhD


Fluffy Biology

Life Stages

'Chirpeh Babbeh', Neonatal
0-1 week
Helpless, blind and incapable of speaking, the 'cheepy' foal is remarkably non-precocious for an animal designed after a horse. They can only communicate in peeps and chirps, they move by crawling and scooting, and their digestive tract is under-developed. They're born covered in amnion that the mother must clean...

If she won't, you clean it and give it early-lactation replacer formulas, because they're super fragile. Also flick her nose. Or take care of all her babies in front of her and let her whine about how you replaced her.

Foal, 'Talkie Babbeh'
1 week-2 weeks
This is a stage where a lot of growth begins, as the eyes open and the foal is now capable of walking. They may start to speak simple words('talkie babbehs'). THEY ARE IN FACT CAPABLE OF CONTROLLING THEIR OWN SHIT. Excuses shouldn't be tolerated at this point.

'Talkie' foals will typically parrot and use words that they hear, but all fluffies so far seem to instinctively know certain phrases. These include things like 'am only little baby', 'no smell pretty', 'let/do [whatever the fluffy wants] or get sorry poopies!' and 'give [insert thing here] now!'. Some use the metaphor of programming, but I feel it may be more like instinct, a pattern of behavior that they reflexively do when exposed to certain stimuli. Why does it persist? Probably because it's so prevalent. Despite some of these phrases being, er, 'catastrophic for the health and safety' of fluffies, they may just be so prevalent that they're impossible to select against.

Weanling
2 weeks-4 weeks
Teeth may emerge earlier than this in some foals, but by 2 weeks is when the major pattern of emergence begins. The teeth will emerge in pairs, with incisors coming first and molars following after. Teething is typically not painful for foals. Foals at this point will start to be weaned off milk and begin testing solid foods. Mixing kibble and milk can help them strengthen their jaw.

Their personality is starting to, er, 'solidify' here. Those that are starting to show Smarty Syndrome traits will really start mouthing off here. A good washing out with soap might yet fix it, but it gets harder to treat(and it's hard to treat in general) from this point on. They'll start to get more adventurous(read: get into shit they shouldn't be getting into) from here on out.

Filly/Colt Maturity
4 weeks-6 weeks
Starting to mature, they SHOULD be on solids by now. I've seen dams continue to try and keep their foals on milk at this point and it isn't a good thing. They need more nutrition in this growth stage, more than their mother can provide. The calf will end up undernourished and they'll literally 'suck' the nutrition from the mother. It's like if you don't wean a heifer, really.

Mare/Stallion
6+ weeks
Fully grown and sexually mature, some will settle into their role as parents. Others not so much. Even mature, they're about the level of development of a 7 year old at most. Their lifespans are often shortened in the wild but a well-kept fluffy can live quite a long time.

'Shit So Fragile'
Given the chimeric mix that is a fluffy and the somewhat imprecise nature of the HasBIO programs that created them, to be able to determine exactly what makes them so famously fragile would be impossible. I mean there's no such thing as a 'fish gene' or a 'horse gene' anyway, they're all made from the same nucleotides so [REST OF RANT REDACTED].

Media has exaggerated the fragility of a fluffy pony bio-toy somewhat, but their haphazard method of genetic modification did end with them being extremely fragile when compared to other pets their size. Their bones are thin and easily bent, which may be related to the chinchilla genome that they get their fur quality from. A chinchilla's ribs in particular are known to be relatively fragile and prone to bending and breaking if mishandled.

The main difference here is that a chinchilla's meant to be lightweight and agile...and of course, a chinchilla is NOT a pet intended for very young children who would handle them roughly.

'Shitrat': Fluffy Digestion

Fluffies have a bizarre sort of'hindgut fermenter' tract...like a regular horse. They have a simple, single stomach but have a special organ(a cecum) full of bacteria that lets them digest things like grass and random weeds.

This, combined with their reproductive rate, is probably the only reason fluffies managed to make it in the wild. Like other 'hindgut fermenters', they can spend all day eating the least nutritious of plants and manage to get enough nutrition to do basic functions.

Fluffies can get another crack at these nutrients by consuming feces(like rabbits), but specially formulated fluffy foods make it so they don't have to do so. Reports of fluffies growing more intelligent by consuming their own feces(allowing for brain development) exist but they come from Russia so no one knows if that's true. I'm sort of scared to even think about it.

They are known to be able to commit 'sorry poopies' by in essense projectile shitting. I've heard of animals projectile vomiting for defense but this is somewhat new. Fuck if I know where that came from. Hippos?

'Fluffy Wuffy': Fluffy Fleece

Fluffy fur is an interesting mix of genetics and is a testament to the power of nucleotides.

Unlike most mammals, a fluffy seems to still have melanocytes in their skin, and not in their hair follicles. What this means is that a fluffy's skin color can range from pink to dark brown, but that has basically no effect on their fur color.

The thickness of the fluffy fur derives mostly from 'Chinchilla lanigera'(long tailed chinchilla) species. Given the fluffy's relative size to C. lanigera, the fluffy's fur manages to be thick enough to repel fleas or ticks, but not quite enough for them to require dust bathing. Even so, fluffies don't seem to like getting wet.

Fluffy fur colors are complex. Their base coloring may derive from...some sort of squid or cuttlefish?

It sounds insane but I'm looking under the microscope here and I swear I'm seeing chromatophores attached to their hair follicles...most specifically, xanthophores(for yellow), erythrophores(for red) and cyanophores(for blue). To put it lightly, that's not a typical feature of mammals?

Anyway, the amount of these cells and how much they're expressed determines the basic hue of the fluffy coat. This is influenced by the color of the parents...MOST of the time. Random mutations nonwithstanding.

The reason fluffy coat genetics tend to be called random is because like all equines, their base coat is affected by dilution genes, the ability to produce black fur, amount of white pigment...

Fluffy coat genetics are extremely bizarre. Their hair follicles are derived from domestic chinchilla follicle cells, genetically modified to allow for more extravagant fluff colors. The reason that fluffy breeding for colors is often considered random is because of the genes that affect horse colors.

So mating two red fluffies could get you foals in shades anywhere from pink to blood red. If things get weird you could end up with some other color.

Things such as the rainbow-colored mane,'Princess Mane Colors'(Luna, Celestia, Cadence) are their own genes that override other genes. Rarely, foals can present as all white(non-albino) or albino. Solid black fluffies are considerably less rare.

'Hoofsies'
The fluffy's hooves bear some resemblance to actual horse hooves...that is to say, a fluffy is basically walking on a single finger and their wrists are sorta where the 'knees' are. Unlike horses, a fluffy's hooves are softer. The keratin is softer.

A fluffy IS technically capable of inflicting injury with these hooves, usually to eachother, but there have been some reports of fluffies being violent to human infants. The underside of the hoof(the 'frog' and sole on a horse...I'm not kidding) are extremely sensitive, especially to sharp objects.

'No Nos'

Fluffy reproduction. Hooooboy.

I don't want to spend more time on this than I have to so here we go...similar to horses. Fluffy mares are known for going 'baby crazy' if exposed to excessive amounts of foal and pregnancy related images. This might be a sort of estrus or 'heat', as the fluffy appears to be an induced ovulator(only releasing eggs when they mate or ahem, the motions go through). This can end in disobedient mares running from home to try and get knocked up.

Stallions seem to vary as they grow up. Some have an insatiable demand for sex and some don't. The former are known to demand 'special huggies' immediately and can resort to rapists. Neutering can often help, but breeders seem to prefer using what amounts to fluffy fleshlights.

Even Less Pleasant Bullsxxx

Fluffies are capable of having sex simply for the pleasure of the act. It's generally thought of as being a rarity in the animal kingdom but that might not be true. What we do know is that Fluffies CLEARLY seek it out for the pleasure, and some don't seem to care if their partner consents or not. Needless to say, this is horrible behavior that you can't allow to continue. You need to Keter duty those shits. This must be quickly disciplined...but if they can't change, euthanasia is the only option.

'Enfie babbehs' are a bizarre and disgusting phenomena in which grown stallions(usually) or mares(rarely) brutally rape foals and smaller fluffies, sometimes their own.

Incest in the animal kingdom, while generally not ideal isn't treated with the same taboo as it is with humans...especially in more solitary animals. The difference is that for these animals, it's a matter of survival of the species.

Foal rape is, obviously, extremely detrimental to the foal. If a fluffy does this, there's no fixing it. Neuter it completely...or just kill it.

If the foal survives, they may suffer trauma and internal damage as they grow up.

The working theory is that these fluffies have spectacularly low impulse control and hypersexuality problems. Nothing a little snip snip can't cure...

Fluffy Conditions

'Derp Syndrome/Derping'

'Derping' is the human term for a fluffy suffering from strabismus, especially exotropia. These fluffies are known for having a very distinctive speech pattern('wbub fbwiends!') and may suffer some minor vision problems as a result of their issue. They can present with any number of language disorders, but paraphasias(replacing words with other words), 'clanging' and echolalia are common.

Like the human condition, this can occur for a wide variety of reasons, including muscle problems, trauma, brain damage or the result of infection.

In mild cases this is the result of nerve or muscle problems and the fluffy is mentally fine. Some fluffies have also been known to 'derp' when under stress. In cases resulting from brain damage, trauma or infections it can be more severe and involve damage of the fluffy's actual mental acuity.

They're usually assumed to be stupid but most of the time they simply have low muscle tone and can't communicate their thoughts adequately. My pegasus, Cicero, tests well above most fluffies despite his 'Intermittent Derp Syndrome'.

He also talks to a plastic skeleton leftover from Halloween but that's probably fine, he's not actually hurting anything. I don't want him to feel self-conscious about his condition.

Runts
Simply put, a runt is the smallest animal of a group(usually in a litter/group of births). They likely didn't recieve enough nutrients during birth, but more likely no one knows.

Despite their perception, if the 'runt' fluffy is somewhere near a reasonable size, eats well and is given proper attention they can easily catch up to the rest of their bretheren.

If they're too small, the parent often rejects the lost cause to conserve energy for feeding the healthy foals. Given their size, they could be vulnerable to hypothermia and dehydration, and the lack of milk can severely impact their immune system.

In fluffies, dams are often not able to distinguish between a 'healthy runt' and an 'unhealthy runt', so they simply tend to reject any fluffy that seems to be smaller than the rest. Some particularly sadistic or moronic mares will keep them around to serve some purpose(usually food).

Like my old farm-owning 'meat science' professor told me, an animal that doesn't care about her babies for one litter probably isn't going to wise up the next time. You fuck up that bad, yer out.

Poopie Babbehs

It's not known exactly how this pattern of rejection arose. It can sometimes seem to arise when a pony has a color not unlike those of bodily fluids. This is usually brown(hence 'poopies'), but darker 'bile' greens and 'piss yellow' have also been rejected for this same reason.

In other circumstances, fluffies may reject fluffies with colors that don't fit this. These may simply smell bad to the mare(which can be caused by the mare not cleaning them) or have been soiled by poop at some point. Some mares may force these fluffies to consume waste, but more likely they'll simply be abandoned...even though you can basically wash the fluffy off and no longer have the problem.

Munstah Alicorns
The 'munstah' reaction arose from what was originally intended to be a merciful adaptation on the part of HasBIO. In early testing, as the genes hadn't quite been adequately mapped, mares could end up giving birth to congenitally deformed foals. Severe mutations and deformations would lead to the foal dying early, causing undue stress for the mare.

These fluffies were 'programmed' to instinctively reject and typically euthanize fluffies that suffered from these extreme deformations to prevent the parent from wasting energy(and milk) caring for a foal that wouldn't make it. A small deviation(that could still be marketable) was ignored, so horns and wings would be accepted.

It was assumed that fluffies would logically recognize both traits in alicorn offspring, though it hadn't yet been tested.

When PETA released them, it quickly became apparent that most fluffies were unable to categorize the alicorn foals into more than one category. The inability to categorize them as 'pointy' or 'wingie' caused the fluffies to default to 'munstah'.

Fluffies can be trained and in some cases genetically modified to ignore this, but since those are often expensive, restraining them or blinding them is usually the method of choice.

Earthies
Typically larger and physically stronger due to a bit more horse DNA, it's also thought that Earthies are more succeptible to the kind of afflictions that affect real horses. This hasn't yet been proven but it's widely suspected(and something that abusers tend to try and induce). They can sometimes be somewhat more dim-witted than other fluffies.

Unicorns
Capable of some minor magical abilities(typically sparks, discharges, small puffs of fire and general 'cheap magic kit' type effects), but any real displays of magic from Fluffy Unicorns is rare. These are typically more likely to become Smarties or attempt to show dominance. There might be genetic linkage involved here, that is to say that 'unicorn genes' are likely to carry whatever nucleotide fuckup says 'smarty'.

Pegasi

Pegasi are typically flightless, though some lucky individuals have been born with more streamlined bodies and larger wings that allow them, at the very least, to glide. It may be possible that through breeding of these 'gliding' pegasi one could produce a pegasus fluffy that could actually fly. No one has attempted this as of yet.

Pegasi can often be more adventurous than other fluffies but this isn't a rule.

Alicorn

Alicorn status is believed to be a trait inherited via recessive genetics but it has also in rare cases arisen from mutations. This leads to the impression that fluffy breeding is highly random event, but in reality two non-alicorn fluffies producing an alicorn is likely just that both parents are heterozygous for the alicorn gene.

These are rare because of their high propensity for rejection in the wild and because of their recessive inheritance pattern. HasBIO keeps a rather close eye on any alicorns not in their direct care. They can often be capable of gliding, can often be somewhat stronger and are capable of more magical abilities than their unicorn counterparts. Undoubtedly these are the most valuable type of fluffy and I'm not just saying that because my 'day job' is at a HasBIO place that breeds them.

Fluffy Psychology
God damn it, Dr. [REDACTED] I'm a biologist, not a psychologist! I mean I took a few courses on it for social science type pre-reqs in college but...

Then again, I don't know of any 'fluffy psychology' fields and this is a vaguely animal-like thing so I'm probably as good a choice as any?

I was planning on asking Dr. Gxxxx but he pretty emphatically said he wanted no part in it and would rather do another interview with Dr. Cxxx. He did tell me I should go for stuff from Piaget and Kohlberg because those are like big in child development or something. So there's that.

Basic Development
If I'm reading this right, the average fluffy is on the level of a 5-6 year old, with some being younger and some(rarely) reaching up to 9. These tend to be mutants or alicorns. Their morality level is generally at a Kohlberge Stage 2(do it if it feels good, don't if you get punished) to 4(do it because the rules say so). These more advanced fluffies have been recorded as being at a stage 5('everyone has different opinions and they should be respected unless they hurt others).

Fluffies tend to operate under Piaget's theory of 'schemas' which if I'm reading this correctly means that they form broad categories about things to try and make sense of the world around them. They will attempt to fit any new thing they discover into one of these categories and dislike it when something doesn't fit neatly into one of those categories.

This is part of why they have problems with alicorns or 'poopie babbehs'. The alicorn, having both wings and a horn, doesn't fit into the 'wingie babbeh', 'pointy babbeh' or 'earthie babbeh' schema, so the fluffy puts them into another entirely. Since it's psychological you can change it. Probably.

Like I said I'm a biologist.

Smarty Syndrome
In a herd, a 'smarty friend' is the name given to a fluffy who tends to lead the rest of the herd. They may be smarter or stronger, but that's not a requirement. Often they're just louder and survive longer. Truly wild fluffies will have more effective 'smarty friends' than feral herds.

By contrast, 'Smarty Syndrome' is egotistical, narcissistic and demanding behavior from a fluffy, often relating to a lack of discipline or relentless spoiling...but some seem to be naturally prone to it, though no one's quite certain why that is.

Sometimes this can be corrected with discipline, but so-called 'terminal smarties' are cases that never improve and the behavior will only get worse.

A 'SS' fluffy may very well come to lead a feral herd because of its self-serving nature and its loud, demanding personality. Fluffies, naive as they are, naturally assume this loud fluffy is so confident because he knows well.

SS 'Smarty Friends' are often involved in what's called a 'Scenario X-5', more commonly known as a 'lawn invasion'. Unable to survive in the wild, they'll seek out humans for food...in typical SS Fluffy fashion, they will demand it, often with empty threats of violence. In severe cases this may come to blows(very soft blows), the siccing of 'tuffies' on the homeowner or projectile shitting. Data collection has been difficult but so far it can be confirmed that at least 80% of X-5 scenarios result in what is described as 'grievous bodily harm' to the herd. Of these incidents, almost 98% involve death or dismemberment of the Smarty.

Bestes' Babbehs/Worstes' Babbehs
On occasion, this is the precursor to Smarty Syndrome. Dr. Gxxxx says that this sort of thing is common in narcissistic parents, assigning one or more'golden children' who are lavished with attention and praise and expected to be exact copies of the parents. 'Scapegoats' by contrast get the brunt of the abuse, can never do anything right and are constantly the target of all the narcissist's problems. Anything the 'bestest baby' does will be ignored or blamed on the 'worstest baby'.

These 'golden foals' tend to grow up to be bratty and spoiled and generally act like an extension of the parent, doing and saying anything the parent says even if the parent isn't around. The 'scapegoat foal' tends to be the target of everyone else. If it happens in a domestic setting, anything from destroying property to shitting outside the litterbox will be blamed on this foal.

This behavior might be capable of being corrected, but like Smarty Syndrome, 'terminal' 'Bestes Babbeh'...ism...can only be fixed with euthanasia. Essentially it should stop before it starts.

Mares(and stallions) can be educated on not doing this shit. With punishments as appropriate because that's basically the only way they learn this stuff apparently...

If I'm wrong with this psychology stuff someone let me know before this goes out. I'm sure we have a xenopsychologist or a cryptopsychologist around here-

Weird Shit

OH YES. This is what I signed up for. This is where I get to talk about all the cryptid/xenobiological organisms that are vaguely fluffy related as far as anyone knows.

Jellenheimers

They vary in size, but most are the size of an average fluffy 'talkie babbeh' foal. They appear as small, fluffy red foal-sized beings with four stubby legs, black beady eyes and a face on the front. Some have been observed having the slightest hint of a vestigial fluffy tail, but otherwise they are extremely simplistic. Their eyes appear to be able to percieve wavelengths of light ranging from UVB and far red, and have been shown to react to polarized light. Their expression seems to be constantly set into a smile that is described as either sardonic or cheerful.

I honestly think it's pretty cute myself.

They speak in perfectly formed, eloquent sentences(usually vaguely ominous or prophetic in nature) without opening their mouths. Fluffies typically don't notice them, but they have varying reactions(usually involving fear) when they do. Humans seem to be enamored with them, however. Fluffies who do notice them tend to have mixed reactions to them, but fear seems to be rather common. They tend to move only when not under direct observation, and have a penchant for appearing randomly in illogical locations(specifically those that would be impossible for them to access). They typically appear in great numbers near instances of fluffy neglect or abuse, and apparently are quite numerous in Russia.

Intentional acts of violence against a Jellenheimer result in grievous bodily harm towards the instigator(as if the force of their attack was rebounded at many times the original.) They appear able to percieve intent, as any instance in which they would be unintentionally hurt results in them simply disappearing and reappearing in a safe spot without harming the person responsible. It's unknown how they reproduce, but 'budding', 'multiplying like cells' and 'bursting out of fluffies like xenomorphs' have been suggested.

Fluntfy Ponnis

The 'Fluntfy' originated as a bootleg version of the HasBIO 'fluffy', and all of their behaviors and social arrangements mirror this. They live in 'fluntflocks' led by 'smartles' and pursue the consumption of 'garlic and mayonnaise', while speaking in what appears to be an excessively sesquipedalian interpretation of normal 'fluffspeak' words and phrases("Daddeh, fluffy wants huggies and love!"/ "Dad-dad, Fluntfy desires embraces and affection!"). Their tone of voice seems vaguely like that of a text-to-speech program.

Their long, gangly legs are extremely fragile and prone to breaking, their ribs are typically always showing, they're known to shudder violently and wheeze frequently, despite seemingly having nothing wrong with their lungs at all.

They also tend to be extremely common in Russia. Possibly also radioactive. Ignore them for the most part, because they tend to follow you around if you acknowledge them.

Also they have some sort of weird proboscis or gecko tongu that they use to consume their food. It's grotesque and yet you can't stop watching no matter what you do. Fuck's sake.

Churpo

The official story for the 'Churpo' seems to be that they were an attempt at a bio-toy that failed because of their complete and utter inability to react(and perhaps inability to even PERCIEVE) the world around them. It's unknown if this is true, or if so, who made them. They seem to be extremely common in Russia, suggesting that radiation is probably involved somehow. They do not speak English and instead make eerily accurate foal distress peeps or make a noise that sounds like 'a grown man saying the words 'peep' and 'chirp', etc.'. Either way, this noise attracts fluffies(dams especially) to their location. They have sharp teeth and typically feed on these attracted fluffies.

They should never be handled with bare hands...we don't know if they're actually hazardous but one tends to get the feeling of wanting to lop their own hand off if they touch it bare-handed.

Bozdo
It's some sort of odd phenomena that may have started in Russia, where fluffies seem to experience symptoms of radiation poisoning, frequent bleeding from orifices, symptoms of extreme trauma, night terrors and the constant repetition of the word 'Bozdo'. The jury is still out. I doubt it's a cognitohazard considering that many fluffies had apparently never heard the word 'Bozdo' before showing symptoms. Showing signs almost inevitably leads to the fluffy's demise(with anecdotal accounts claiming a number of collateral casualties) or disappearance. Those that return are highly traumatized and unable to recount their experience, with descriptions of their apparently assailant being highly variable. The only constant seems to be constantly-shifting faces and limbs that a?p?pe?ars ?to? ?.

I?'m s?ta?rtin?g? ?t?o? ?ge?t? ?a? ?heada?che? ?whi¸ch i?s t?o be ?e?xpect?ed? w?i?t?h? ?thi?s ?so?rt? ?o?f? ?t?h?ing?.

L?I???????BE????????R?A??T???????E? ?T?U????T????E?_???M??E????T?_ ????EX?????? ?????I??N?????F????E??_????R???I???????S??????

Okay better now. Luckily I'm trained in this shit. I only had three seizures and two instances of random sobbing.

Ringmaster

Some sort of quasi-mythical abuser figure that apparently tortures fluffies en masse and records it. He's said to have sharp teeth and skin essentially formed from shadows, and wears attire appropriate to his name. Often anomalous abilities tend to be attributed to him(?), and fluffies appear to regard him in the same way a human child would a monster under their bed.

Talking about him hasn't caused the symptoms of the last entry but I'm not about to test it.

Abuse

Still not a psychologist, but I'd hazard a guess that abuse of fluffies is related to that feeling of rage you get when you get overwhelmed with cuteness. I think it has something to do with the brain trying to cancel out your runaway emotions?

For some people they're extremely annoying because of their perpetual childlike state, neediness and their inability to grow up...after all, a baby is extremely needy, but they grow up. Fluffies don't, they stay in that perpetual state of toddler-hood for the rest of their life.

Some people prefer defective 'smarties' as stress relief because of pure Schadenfreude. I admittedly love some good Schadenfreude, myself.

Of course, some people don't have strong feelings. Often I'm in that boat. If they're invasive or test subjects, you distance yourself from them. They're numbers.

PillowFluffing

This is what it's called when one removes a fluffy's limbs. They might be roughly removed, expertly amputated or simply chopped with a docker. People might do this for punishments, because of injury or due to personal preference. It's common in HasBIO industries to keep frequently-violent mares from lashing out and hurting other fluffies.

Then you've got the hyper-dedicated pillowfluffers who are basically the fluffy equivalent of an anti-vaxxer or someone who tries to cure things with essential oils. They assume animals(well, fluffies) can thrive without any form of enrichment, use their fluffies for social brownie points and don't tend to take the fluffies to vets, instead assuming physical symptoms are the result of a lack of discipline or whatnot.

They are correct in that an amputee could live a perfectly good life, but certainly not the way they do it. They need enrichment, they need social interaction...

Something as 'simple' as a hermit crab will refuse to eat and fall into a lethargy if they're alone, so clearly fluffies are capable of feeling loneliness and depression.

These fluffies are prone to depression because they feel they're unable to express love for others, they cannot run and play traditional games and hold those things extremely important. Putting in an iota of effort in giving them some other way to do these things would probably help...I mean, get the fluffy a damn coloring book and a pile of crayons at the very least.

Punishments

Indirect punishments include things like sorry boxes and withholding dinner.

Direct ones include 'sorry strings' 'sorry sticks', 'sorry sauce', removing fluff with razors, tape, sewing pins, nose flicking, ear twisting, 'nono stick' punishments, cold water...

Personally? Obviously it depends on fluffy. My Cicero, while bizarrely not afraid of the dark in the slightest, is extremely claustrophobic. He's also not fond of isolation or silence. A minute or more in a sorry box is enough for him, really.

Other Notes

-Some fluffy behaviors or statements tend to inspire extreme rage in people, more than should be expected from the usual rage they inspire. They should be investigated for possible cognitohazardous properties. These behaviors include the use of the phrase 'am only little baby!', attempting to dance, singing of 'mommah songs' and that thing they do when they puff out their cheeks like a hamster and YOU JUST WANT TO SQUEEZE THEM UNTIL THEY POP AND **Dr. Balor had managed to type out a full paragraph of furious ranting in what appeared to be Irish Gaelige before she was ordered to take a 5-minute break. The contents of her tangent have been removed.**

-Highly traumatized fluffies may enter what is commonly called the 'wan die loop'. This involves self-destructive and self-neglecting behavior on the part of the fluffy as well as the repetition of the phrase 'wan die'. It's possible to break a fluffy out of this 'loop', at least according to some anecdotal evidence, but it's quite difficult to manage.

-Application of an electric current to the fluffy has been suggested to 'reset' them. My hypothesis is that the current acts on the brain as a sort of crude form of ECT, which even done correctly is known to cause some patchy, incomplete retrograde amnesia(inability to access memories). In this case it seems to be relatively permanent and very wide in its scope.

-Fluffy meat can be quite palatable(depending on diet) and their existence in places with low food security has been quite a boon in dealing with hunger. I actually recommend it...I'll have to bring some fluffy Crubeens to the next 'company' picnic. Hey it's better than anything Dr. Brxxxx would be bringing. Doesn't say much I know-

-Fluffy anatomy tends to vary slightly, but there are some really extreme variations in morphology in places like Russia where they all look like little Kiwi fruits with wee nubbins for limbs. Attempts at negotiating with the current population of Russia have been...complicated, so I've heard, but apparently even they recognize that. Fluffies tend to be referred to as 'fruit horses'.
Uploader WiredandGaming,
Tags biology bozdo crossover fluffies safe science!!! scp worldbuilding
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Comments


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WiredandGaming: Kinda been wanting to do this for awhile. This is me embracing my first love and trying to inject some sort of science...xenobiology maybe...into fluffies, or at least have a character lampshade the fact that it doesn't make sense.

Also to reference a bunch of other uploads I liked because my headcanons end up being an unholy mishmash of everyone else's.

I decided on 'Dr. Balor' for the name of the SCP chick I keep drawing because that sounds properly ominous. She has been deemed useful to the Jellenheimers...for now.

- Reply
FluffyPuncher: Thanks

- Reply
IGotIdeas: "Also flick her nose. Or take care of all her babies in front of her and let her whine about how you replaced her." Or you could just punch it in the face and throw a peanut at it.

- Reply
WiredandGaming: @IGotIdeas: Very true. Though it seems like fluffy 'mummahs' are super obsessed with the whole 'being a mother' thing so taking that from them seems like it would be most effective.
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Dr-Jack: @WiredandGaming Hey this was an awesome read! IRL I'm a Ph.D in CS with a heavy minor in psychology. I made an account on here just to post this comment.

I read an awesome story about a dude named Dave who adopts some Fluffy's and his buddy who's a med student who does a lot of experiments on fluffies.

Anyway I want to try my hand at making my own series of experiments on Fluffies but i'm a shit writer, would you be interested in a collaboration?