author:deathproofpony hammer_time revenge russia smarty


>Alexi Dubrenov was a stern man, but not cruel. Not like those Moscow bosses. Those fuckers were ruthless.
>Perhaps it was the way he was raised... he came up from the ghetto, and over forty years built a respectable scrap metal business.
>He wasn't born into wealth or the mob. He was self-made.
>Perhaps he doted on his daughter, Anya, a bit too much. But she wasn't spoiled... Alexi made sure she was raised to respect hard work.
>The last ten years had been lonely for the aging Russian. His beautiful wife, Sonia, had passed when Anya was only two years old.
>It was a car crash. Thought to be the result of icy roads.
>At first.
>A few days after her fatal accident a local man with a dash cam had come forward. His car had been parked on the side of the road and his camera running.
>It had been fluffy ponies. A herd of them.
>As Sonia drove down the icy back road, headed home from the grocery, the herd waddled out into the road.
>She slammed on the brakes but the car spun out of control and hit a tree. She was killed almost instantly.
>When the politsiya interviewed the locals, they were informed this large herd lived in the nearby woods and would send their... more submissive ponies... across the road.
>After a car crashed they would raid the vehicle for any food or useful items. Blankets, shiny things, pieces of clothing. Anything.
>Alexi had never thought twice about these designer pets that first appeared fifteen years ago or so. But now... now he hated them.
>So when Anya asked for a fluffy pony for her twelfth birthday, Alexi was understandably upset.
>"I do not think it's a good idea. They are stubborn and rude. How about a kitty? Wouldn't you like a kitty? Or a Gerbil?"
>"But Papaaaaaaaa... all the girls in my class have them! And Romana has a RAINBOW DASH!"
>Alexi didn't know what the fuck a Rainbow Dash was but it sounded faggy as hell.
>"You know I don't like them, Anya! They caused..."
>Alexi paused. He had never told his daughter WHY he hated them. As far as she knew, her mother hit an ice patch on the road. He couldn't bear the
thought of her growing up with the amount of anger he had.
>"They... they caused a lot of problems! Overbreeding, attacking humans, other things..."
>"Okay, Papa..."
>Alexi cursed himself. His daughter never asked for ANYTHING. When her classmates had gotten the new VR-Box or the Crackhead Barbie Dream Crackhouse she never cared.
>His phone rang - his project manager giving a report on a new job. It was a welcome distraction.
>Two days later Alexi's project manager, Ivan, practically dragged one of their employees into their office. His name was Omar.
>"This... this svin'ya STOLE from our client! I nearly had the boys take their hammers to him!"
>"No! That is not what happened! I..."
>"Quiet, both of you. Ivan... what happened?"
>"He stole THIS!" growled Ivan, slamming a plump purple fluffy pony unicorn on Alexi's desk. Its mane and tail were a sickening yellow."
>The odor of the fluffy infiltrated Alexi's nostrils. The scent of lavender, mixed with a bit of manure, nearly made him wretch.
>"SHUT UP!" he roared. The pony clamped its mouth shut, its eyes wide with fear. "Omar, what happened?"
>The young Russian, tears in his eyes, glanced nervously at Ivan as he spoke.
>"I... I was cleaning up yard. The big yellow house with aluminum shed we tore down. I went into house to use toilet."
>Alexi listened intently. Ivan was slowly defusing, trying to calm himself down.
>I stopped to pet pony on way out. Lady of the house asked if I liked, and I said yes. She GAVE fluffy to me!"
>"Gave it?" Alexi glanced at Ivan, who shrugged.
>"But lady of house went to shops soon after. Ivan saw me taking pony from house and started screaming! I try to explain but he not listening!"
>"Ivan? Is true?"
>"Well, yes... but..."
>"Did you call lady of house?"
>"I did not have her cell!"
>"So you put fear of God into this young man, drag him down here, waste my time, and extend time needed for client's cleanup. Because you didn't have cell number?"
>"I... I thought he is liar! Maybe if we threaten him he tell truth!"
>"Ivan, get out of my sight. If this happens again and you have no proof and take no steps to confirm, you will be fired."
>"You are good man and good worker, but treating men like shit is not way to run business."
>"I am sorry, Alexi. I am sorry, Omar."
>Omar extended a hand, shaking Ivan's. Ivan headed out, leaving just the two together.
>"No harm done, but I understand Ivan's reasons. Okay?"
>"It is fine, I just wish he took a moment to call the lady of the house."
>"Yes, I have her cell, Ivan could have contacted me for it. Well, enjoy fluffy. Have good weekend..."
>"Well, that is something I need to talk about. I cannot take it."
>"I text my wife on way here. She just respond... we cannot have pets in apartment. I must return fluffy to homeowner..."
>"No, don't do that. She may look upon us with disfavor for refusing her generous gift. My daughter has been wanting one of these... things. I will take it."
>"Thank you, sir! And I will not let anything like this happen again!"
>"Very good. Have nice weekend."
>Alexi looked at the pony and sighed. He did not want to do this.
>He wrapped the pony in a towel and carried it to his car. He did not want its smell to linger on him.
>"Anya... where are you?"
>"Right here, Papa."
>Anya appeared out of the kitchen as the big, burly Russian entered his house.
>"What... what is that?"
>"Your birthday present. It is called Zvezda."
>"Star? Her name is Star? OH I LOVE HER SO MUCH!"
>Alexi faked a broad smile as he handed his daughter a children's book on fluffy care.
>"Read this, take good care of her. Have fun."
>"Oh thank you, Papa!"
>Anya threw her arms around her father, hugging the breath out of him.
>Alexi thought maybe his mind was playing tricks on him, but he thought from the corner of his eye that the fluffy was glaring at him and Anya.
>Nah, he just had a long week. Tired.
>Two weeks later, Anya and Zvezda were inseperable. They went everywhere together. Anya spent hours brushing Zvezda's lush coat and fed her bon bons.
>"Not too many of those or she'll get fat and get the diabetes."
>"Okay, Papa!" sang Anya.
>She excused herself to the toilet. As Zvezda sat on the kitchen table, Alexi could hear her muttering from his office the next room over.
>"Dummeh hooman, nu tewll Smawty wut do... Smawty do wut wan an get bestest toysies an bestest nummies an..."
>"Ahem." Alexi cleared his throat loudly. He leaned agains the kitchen door frame, staring at the purple unicorn.
>"Uh... uh... hi daddeh, Zvezda wuv yu!"
>"Uh huh. Let us keep it that way. We wouldn't want any SMARTIES in this house would we?"
>Alexi studied the fluffy's face. It almost seemed... PAINED... as it agreed with him. "yus, daddeh... nu smawties."
>As Anya returned Alexi turned and walked back into his office, keeping an eye on Zvezda the whole time.
>"Hello, Zvezda! You want to play Porn Star Barbie with me? I just got the new Ron Jeremy doll!"
>"Zvezda WUUUUUUV Bawbie!"
>Anya carried the fluffy off to her room, unaware what had transpired.
>A month passed. Anya had dark circles under her eyes. She was pale and wasn't eating. But she insisted she was fine.
>Alexi was panicked, but did his best to hide his concern from his beloved daughter. He took the girl to a doctor under the guise of it being a "normal checkup".
>When he spoke to the doctor in private he revealed the cause of her health problems.
>"That's IT? But..."
>"Her blood tests are fine. No disease, genetic defects, not even a common cold. The problem is that she hasn't slept in days."
>"But how?"
>"She... she said she hears things. Whispering."
>"If you tell me my daughter is crazy I will..."
>"Calm down. That is not what I'm suggesting. I believe she actually IS hearing things..."
>"ALEXI! Lower your voice. NO - she is not crazy and you don't have Prizraki haunting your home."
>"So what..."
>"Does she own a fluffy pony?"
>A look of realization dawned upon Alexi's face. He nodded silently at the doctor.
>"I believe it talks to her throughout the night. Pony sleeps during the day when you are at work and Anya is at school. So it may stay up all night."
>"But WHY?"
>"Fluffy is jealous, perhaps. It happens with them sometimes... especially unicorns. Worse when they are smarties. They try to hurt those closest to them."
>"Thank you, doctor. I will take care of it."
>"Good luck."
>Alexi drove his daughter, seething with rage. He pretended to be distracted, looking out the window, so Anya would not realize he was consumed with rage.
>When they arrived at home, Alexi sent his daughter to bed. "The doctor thought you should get some extra rest. I will feed pony."
>Alexi watched the fluffy out of the corner of his eye. It looked angry that Anya was being separated from its foul influence.
>He tossed a handful of soft kibble in Zvezda's bowl. The fluffy pony gobbled it up greedily. It screeched in alarm as Alexi grabbed her by the scruff of her neck, plopping her on the counter.
>"We need to talk."
>"Zvezda nu no wut daddeh wan..."
>"Drop the act, bitch. Or should I say... Smarty?"
>The pony's eyes darted back and forth, nervously considering what to say.
>"I know what you have been doing, SMARTY."
>"Zvezda nu smawty..."
>"Oh, right... to be smarty a fluffy would have to be smart and you are DUMB AS A BOX OF ROCKS! HA HA HA!"
>The fluffy pony gritted its teeth. It was not used to being insulted. And this... this HUMAN... mocking its SMARTS.... HOW DARE HE...
>WHACK! Alexi hauled off and slapped the pony across its muzzle. It immediately started to sob loudly. Alexi tried to cover Zvezda's mouth so she wouldn't wake Anya.
>But the pernicious pony thrashed in Alexi's grip and managed to slip away. She stumbled to the kitchen floor and bolted out the pet door.
>Alexi gritted his teeth, but didn't pursue. The pony waddled off through the freshly-fallen snow and disappeared into the woods behind the house.
>He simply locked the pet door and poured himself an extra large cup of vodka. "Fucking ponies."
>The next day Alexi climbed into his car to head to work. Anya was still sleeping. It was the best thing for her. Alexi would take her out for an expensive meal that night.
>His mind was deep in thought... he would tell her the truth. The fluffy pony ran away. Oh no! And he was too slow to catch her! So sorry, darling!
>Alexi was barely paying attention when he saw the purple blur in the road.
>Lost in his thoughts, Alexi slammed on the brakes as a reflex. His car skidded off the road and bounced off a tree.
>He tried to collect his thoughts as he looked out of the front window and saw Zvezda... and a dozen other fluffy ponies.
>Alexi's face was covered in red. It dripped to the ground and stained his beard.
>The brawny Russian managed to push the door open and fell into the fresh snow. He laid there, staring at his daughter's (former) pet.
>"Why... why..." he whispered.
>The pony herd drew near as Zvezda spoke up.
>"Bad men kiwll hewd. But mummah stay safe. Make new hewd. Haff Smawty babbeh. Smawty gwow up an watch big mean man. Now yu get biggest huwties."
>Alexi stared at the purple fluffy, then his eyes opened wide. He recognized this smarty's face. It was the spitting image of the fluffy whose herd had caused his wife's accident.
>The politsiya had never caught the herd's leader. And this was one of her offspring. This... this BITCH had been watching them the whole time.
>The new herd slowly approached, the toughies flexing their muscle, the unicorns brandishing their sharp horns and the pegasi... well, they were totally fucking useless.
>"Smarty... Smarty... can you hear me?" whispered Alexi.
>The Smarty drew closer. "Smawty heaw yu!" it spit at him.
>"You made one mistake..."
>"Smawty nu make mistakes! Wut mistake?"
>Alexi plastered the smarty in the face with a glass ketchup bottle. It screeched at the shards of glass stuck in its flesh.
>The crafty Russian stood up, wiping the ketchup from his face with his sleeve.
>"Also, I remembered to wear my seatbelt, you fucking retard."
>Alexi pulled a short-handled sledgehammer out of his overcoat and swung, shattering smarty's front leg. It rolled on the ground, screaming in pain.
>The rest of the herd panicked. Their smarty had promised them an easy target, plus they would have the pleasure of finishing off a dummy human. Few ponies could make that claim.
>They turned to run, but Alexi's adrenaline was pumping. He swung wildly, smashing skulls, ribs and legs. In a couple of minutes the herd lay in the snow - dead or dying.
>The smarty desperately tried to crawl away... the underbrush was SO close... if she could disappear there she could vanish... and live to start another SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
>The smarty's thoughts were interrupted as Alexi grabbed her broken leg and pulled her to him. He took out an old rusty pocket knife - a gift from his father.
>"Oh, no, my dear. You don't get to leave. You get the SPECIAL treatment."
>The pony's screams were ungodly as Alexi flayed her alive. Once he had peeled away her flesh and fluff, he slammed the smarty's head in the door of his car. Its skull collapsed, the pony died.
>Alexi sat down in the snow, leaning back against his car. The politsiya finally showed up. Alexi explained how they waddled in the path of his car and he TRIED to stop but hit ice and lost control. Woe is me!
>"Sounds like an accident that happened her a few years ago."
>"Ten years, one month, one week, and four days."
>"That's... really specific. Okay, we will get ambulance. Try to stay calm."
>"Thank you, I will."
>"Do you think you'll be okay?"
>"Trust me... I'm fine."
Uploader deathproofpony,
Tags author:deathproofpony hammer_time revenge russia smarty
Locked No
Parent None
Rating Questionable


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Nocturn: That one went straight to my favorites
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Anonymous1: this was amazing.
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Anonymous2: I don't mean to complain because I generally like your stories and want to keep enjoying them, but how have you been doing this for almost a decade but you still put Ls in fluffspeak?
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Stealthderp: Nice.

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deathproofpony: @Nocturn: That's very nice, thanks.

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deathproofpony: @Anonymous: I'm out of practice. :(